Animals in the Woods

A series of rude poems.

Deer
A deer came right up and took a shit in front of my house.
I was honoured.
Yet, if my own brother did the same thing,
I would be angry with him. 

Crows
Crows caw, crows caw,
Bothering my ears.
Does saw, does saw
Not a crow in years. 

Muskrat
Muskrat pee is on my knee
I don’t think that’s what I need. 
When dogs sneeze at 9:03,
To muskrat pee, they pay no heed.

Rooster 
Rooster hoots 
A stupid squawk,
Farmer shoots him 
In the cock.

Robin
Some robins stop to gobble seeds,
Sunflower cops shout, “robbery!”
Worms report the homicides 
Of those same robins all the time.

Wolves
Sheep keep silent 
When they sleep,
Wolves get violent 
Then they eat. 

Muskrat (again) 
On my knee,
A muskrat pees, 
While roosters bleed
And three dogs sneeze.

Robin (again)
Over windswept shallows
Stood a robin fair and proud,
Sentenced to the gallows 
By the creatures of the ground.

Deer (again) 
The deer was asked to pay a fine
To a beaver and a porcupine 
For indecent waste depositing 
On clearly sanctioned private property.